Recently, I was having a conversation with my daughter while on our way to school. It was fairly typical; we talked about how she needs to move quicker in the morning, what letter she was on in 4K, the fact that she's carving a pumpkin with mom tonight. And then, she dropped a bombshell: "Dad, the girls in my class and me are having a sleepover....a real live sleepover, with games, movies, candy and no sleep all night long!". A giant lump came to my throat. Maybe I'm stuck in those post-college years, or still imagining the first few weeks after birth, but in NO WAY is my daughter ready for THAT. Sure, I had planned out feeling like this, but it was a scenario that I've rehearsed several times - her "first date" shows up to the house while I am conveniently tuning up the chainsaw. That makes sense, but not THIS.
And then, it suddenly took a turn for the worse. "Daddy, and NO BOYS ALLOWED". After turning around to make sure a pre-teen wasn't in my backseat, I guess I was slightly relieved. Maybe.
So, I did the only logical thing that any sane father would do. "Caitlin, ask your mother". There. Disaster averted. Or at least I was able to look the other way.
Think of all the times we see our kids as younger than they really are, neglecting them from the very experiences that they'll need to succeed in the future. Perhaps it's totally frightening to allow them to take the next step, but if we continually hold them in the shelter of our arms, they won't have the experiences and tools that they need during these safe times to build immunities and strategies for the many years ahead after they're out of our direct care. What we need to do is allow them to experience the joy, pain, hurt, anger, love, and compassion on their own - without our hindrance. When we do this, and do this with trust, they'll look back on those experiences as learning moments. It's in those times of failure, in the times of stumble, in the times of being emotionally vulnerable, that human life can build. Giving our kids safe environments to experience such emotions will help them in the long run; but loosening the leash means we must first establish mutual trust, respect, and love necessary to make the best choices.
Whether it's the first slumber party, name-calling, "B" on a test, accusation of being a bully, argument, time in the Principal's office, hole in the jeans, date, etc. - we need to put our faith in our children, and let them learn.
But as for me - well, let's just say it's up to mom. :)
Mike
And then, it suddenly took a turn for the worse. "Daddy, and NO BOYS ALLOWED". After turning around to make sure a pre-teen wasn't in my backseat, I guess I was slightly relieved. Maybe.
So, I did the only logical thing that any sane father would do. "Caitlin, ask your mother". There. Disaster averted. Or at least I was able to look the other way.
Think of all the times we see our kids as younger than they really are, neglecting them from the very experiences that they'll need to succeed in the future. Perhaps it's totally frightening to allow them to take the next step, but if we continually hold them in the shelter of our arms, they won't have the experiences and tools that they need during these safe times to build immunities and strategies for the many years ahead after they're out of our direct care. What we need to do is allow them to experience the joy, pain, hurt, anger, love, and compassion on their own - without our hindrance. When we do this, and do this with trust, they'll look back on those experiences as learning moments. It's in those times of failure, in the times of stumble, in the times of being emotionally vulnerable, that human life can build. Giving our kids safe environments to experience such emotions will help them in the long run; but loosening the leash means we must first establish mutual trust, respect, and love necessary to make the best choices.
Whether it's the first slumber party, name-calling, "B" on a test, accusation of being a bully, argument, time in the Principal's office, hole in the jeans, date, etc. - we need to put our faith in our children, and let them learn.
But as for me - well, let's just say it's up to mom. :)
Mike